The 5 phases of a breakup

For many, overcoming the end of a relationship due to a breakup with the person we loved or their death is not easy at all. There are many good moments that we leave behind and that usually makes us relive great memories of when we felt that that relationship was full.

The unwanted breakup or separation from a person in love can be an event that stirs up beautiful and turbulent moments at the same time. This movement can cause anxiety, stress, sadness, anger, and bring out old emotions of abandonment that can alter our psychological balance. and emotional.

Over a period of time, it is perceived that the magic that we initially felt disappears, we stop feeling sexual interest, and that wonderful person that we felt was ideal, we no longer like it! He has stopped seducing us, we may have found our gaze diverted. towards another person who has just appeared in our life.

Do you feel excited about a new adventure, about wanting something new with the inability to be faithful to a person or project; Had the relationship already “dead”? At Avanza Gabinete Psicopedagogico, consultations to provide help for relationship conflicts are becoming more frequent in order to see it from a more optimistic way. Do you have any similar stories? We want to hear your story!; and offer you our help.

We understand that ending a relationship is saying goodbye to someone with whom we had a strong bond since, given the intensity, the loved person becomes part of the same being, so many emotions full of promises, broken illusions that make us want to disappear; As a consequence we seek to be reborn or reinvent ourselves. We can take advantage of this breakup to deeply question my beliefs and expectations related to the couple and analyze our patterns to emerge in a healthier and freer way that allows us to live the love of a couple in a more coherent way.

Pain (grief) is indefinable, a process that only As those who have gone through this experience know, intense emotions of heartbreak and abandonment can appear; However, we must keep in mind that we are adults and if we take our responsibility we will begin to perceive that only we can abandon ourselves. The other person can leave my life and at the same time I have resources to continue living, potentialities to explore and new horizons.

Pain hurts, addressing it, feeling it and respecting it is human and will allow me to grow as a conscious being; However, guilt and victimhood stagnate me in a circle of unconsciousness. Life goes on my friends, let's forgive and forget what we feel has been done to us, let's forgive ourselves for our mistakes and leave behind what is no good. The path is bright for those who travel with a light load. Welcome and appreciate your crying as a sign of emotional liberation, talk to yourself with affection and respect your times, imagine that you are accompanying your inner child to grow and mature, feeling the pain allows us to free up space so that more Love can arrive.

A term to express the difficulties one suffers is the sensation of tearing one's soul apart, as if it were being torn away without mercy. Needless to say, this emotion can be perceived as immense and devastating! That is why it is expressed that the grieving process is personal, for this it is important to understand that only a Psychotherapist expert in grieving can efficiently help the person learn to alleviate any painful process in a relationship that may have become complicated, prolonged, stagnating or expressing unbearable intensity. If you perceive any of these difficulties in your own grieving processes, contact us and we will be able to guide you regarding them.

The mind invests all its time in endlessly reviewing the film of the past, where it invests resources and energy in remembering the best: those unforgettable, magical moments, of passion, of unconditional dedication, trying to find explanations for the nostalgia that invades thought. monothematic, obsessive, permanent. In those moments a large part of life is lost, therefore: one does not sleep, one does not eat, one does not live. In some relationships, the breakup is a great liberation for the person who decides it, after a destructive, pathological relationship. In many cases, questions and feelings of guilt appear, whether one's own or someone else's, with the awareness of being treated in a miserable, cruel, inhuman way, where the feeling prevails that nothing is useful, nothing is worth it, and we begin to blame our environment for not being comforting, This type of sentence created is reversible and we need to reverse them in order to free ourselves.

Jealousy

If the breakup is for this reason and the insecurity of not being sure whether it is founded or unfounded jealousy, stop and think that there may be a solution. The first thing before anything is to do couples therapy or if you believe that jealousy is unfounded you have a trust problem and you need to be able to find the reason for that jealousy, there are other options as valid as therapy and they include hiring a private detective or make use of technology as it can be the polygraph, this last method being a way to discover the truth, it must always be done with a polygraphist accredited and under the strictest privacy measures, this method is voluntary and always under an agreement of trust in the couple.

Denial when it appears works as a buffer after the unexpected and shocking news of the initial shock; It is a kind of anesthesia. It invites us to land and assume our own experience, the first phase of the path is to assume what there is with courage and will.

This is an everyday issue in the face of what is experienced with total helplessness, which is understood as a serious injustice, they tend to think about harming the other and think in the following way: “I am suffering hell and he/she is miserable.” . As professionals, we must explore all the suicidal and homicidal ideas present with some frequency in difficult grief. Anger must be contemplated and expressed in a safe environment without blaming anyone for it. These emotions that emerge after the breakup usually have to do with the accumulation of painful experiences that we carry inside. Releasing and expressing anger safely can free us.

This phase can be understood and addressed in many ways, giving way over time to a special good friendship, or ending the relationship completely and forever. Even wait for a second chance. For example, a case where 18 years later a woman called the boyfriend of her youth and cried bitterly after two unhappy relationships. It is often believed that it was a mistake to have broken off such a romantic romance from long ago. It is important to value yourself and trust that I did the best I could do and rest that it is okay that way, just like you did the best you could. We have to move forward.

In principle, the previous feelings give way to a great feeling of irreparable loss where the most precious asset or loved one has been lost. Good news, not only is it repairable but it can be integrated by realizing that life is bigger and that these painful emotions tell us about our ability to take charge of them, assume them without blaming others and go further.

Healthy acceptance comes loaded with gratitude for what we have experienced, experiences learned, a sweet memory and the best wishes for that person who was in our life. From here I thank all the people who were part of my life because thanks to them I was able to grow and be increasingly whole and free. The path to acceptance is paved by the responsibility that invites us to let go of self-blame and that of others.

I present to you a new vision, a new relational paradigm in which the couple is no longer an other who is in my life to meet my expectations and adapt to my demands. But the partner is a learning partner with whom I coincide for a certain time at a stage of my path, this person is going to show me the best and worst aspects of my personality.
By accepting her I accept myself, respecting our differences I respect myself and Love occurs as a natural phenomenon expressing respect for the other who is different from me and deep down wants the same thing as me; Being happy, although your way of seeking that happiness is different from mine, it is also as valid as mine.

If our path is to be together, that is what we will do during the corresponding time when our paths separate, I will thank you for what I have experienced and learned and I will let you go, giving space to a calm and grateful pain, to some tears of gratitude that will light the paths in the future. of all beings who come together to learn in this beautiful adventure. True Love expects nothing and in this freedom is where we can feel that life fills us.